Trust Me, I'm a Nurse

According to my employee profile, I have now been working for two months and two days. Break out the confetti! Just kidding, but for real. These two months (and two days) have been nuts. Emotions, schedules, changes, visitors, and the like.

On the work front, I am learning a TON...still. I am now officially an independent nurse, which means I no longer have another nurse working alongside me. I take all of my own patients (which is usually 5-6) and manage all of their care myself. This has actually been really good so far. I enjoy getting to plan out my day in a way that works for me without having to check with another person all the time. Plus, my coworkers are still so supportive and will help anytime I ask. This is a huge blessing as not all places/people are like this, and all my coworkers are very busy, but they still always take the time to help me out if I ask. I am adjusting to the flow of my floor and am getting to know the doctors, therapists, and social workers that regularly take care of patients on our floor, which really helps. I am beginning to feel more confident in my skills and clinical judgement as a nurse.

What has been the most difficult is dealing with the emotional and spiritual side of working. The technical side is coming along and will continue to develop, but what I most often struggle with is all the other stuff. What I have noticed most lately is how much I hope in relief. When I wake up in the morning, it starts. I begin promising myself that if I'm still tired when I get home, I can take a nap. And, even if I can't then at least I have a day/weekend off soon. I negotiate with myself and make promises that relief will come when work ceases. As I try to fulfill these promises and feed my own craving for comfort, I am realizing more and more how empty this is. When I spend a day trying to gorge myself on whatever comfort is appealing, I end up more exhausted and empty than before.

The problem is, when my hope and joy is wrapped up in my own comfort, I will never be satisfied. I will always crave more and more, and it will be ever more fleeting. What I need is something solid to put my hope in. Something that regardless of my situation, whether I am working 6 days in a row with no break, or I am on vacation for two weeks, will remain steadfast and unfailing. The good news, and the truth is in Matthew 11. Jesus says,

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Mt 11: 28-30)

Jesus is the one who provides rest; not me, not my couch, not my nap. I am learning that all these things can be restful, but only when my hope does not depend on them. If I am hoping in Jesus, that He has given me a new heart, mind, and life, then I am free to rest from the work of trying to make myself better. I am free to actually enjoy the good things He has given me to do, including both work and rest. 

I am learning this the hard way. I have many days that I selfishly seek after my own comfort. I decide what is going to be restful (watching tv, taking a nap, going shopping, eating delicious food, etc) and I pursue it. But, at the end of the day I always end up disappointed and dissatisfied. However, I can do the same activities, but if my heart is ultimately resting in Jesus and my hope is in Him, then I can be completely satisfied because Jesus remains far longer than any episode of Parks and Rec. This is something I am praying about daily and struggling with constantly. I am praying to be grown and matured to desire relationship with Jesus beyond my own comfort and to put my hope in Him rather than in fleeting relief from toil. 

So, that's the reality of work for me right now. I am really thankful to be learning all that I am right now, even though it can be exhausting. I am thankful that Jesus has given me a safe and secure place to put my hope in, even when I don't believe it. 

"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:1-5

Everybody's Working for the Weekend

Wheeeew....

These past few weeks have been a whirlwind to say the least. I will try to provide a brief recap of what's been going on lately!

I started working just over a month ago. I began with classroom orientation learning policies and procedures, and being tested on my medication calculation and EKG interpretation skills. The first week was exciting for me; to finally be making money and to be on my way to really being a nurse!

The next week I started on my floor and have been there ever since. My schedule varies a lot, but I am working about 35-40 hours a week right now. I have been learning so much from my two preceptors who are wonderful nurses and patient teachers. I am getting really good experience and am learning to enjoy the unpredictability of each day. As I mentioned in a previous post, I am working on an Adult Medical/Surgical unit, which means anything goes! I have cared for a patient as young as 25 and one as old as 101! My average patient is probably 80 or older. I have gotten to care for patients with a variety of diagnoses from asthma exacerbations to wound infections, and dehydration to chest pain. Some of my patients are very independent, while others require feeding through tubes in their stomachs, bladder and bowel catheters, and sometimes even tracheotomies. I am learning not only how to care for these kinds of patients, but also how to multitask and manage my time as I care for up to 6 patients at once. And, starting next week, I will be doing all of this independently as a full-blown nurse. This means no more preceptors, and no one watching my back to make sure I'm doing everything right! Yikes.

Overall, I am enjoying my new job. Learning all the technical aspects of computer documentation, communication with doctors, specialists, and other nurses, and how to use various equipment is incredibly overwhelming and frustrating at times. But, slowly and surely, I am learning. Where my passion truly lies is with my patients, and that is what makes me love my job. Some nurses are great at the technical aspects and enjoy being challenged by complicated diagnoses and new situations. For me, my love of nursing comes from making a patient and their family feel loved, cared for, and heard. I am thankful that I get the opportunity to do this every day. I am absolutely terrified about being on my own; the mistakes I will make, the things I will forget, and the times I will be reprimanded. I am still very much adjusting to work being the norm. It is strange and difficult to have to work every other weekend when Josh is at home, and for me to be at home sometimes when he is at work. I am thankful that Josh is so supportive and such a great listener when I come home in tears about the stress of the day. I am thankful that even though we are struggling to create a new normal yet again, that we get to do it together.

So, those are my crazy, disjointed, one-day-off-this-week thoughts. I will try to update again shortly to let you know how being a full fledged nurse is going!

Here is a bonus pic of me on my first day!